Car Ride Conversations
by katherinefics
Summary: "What the heck is a 'snoze?" "... Sneeze in past tense?"  The Grimm kids go for a ride. Chaos ensures. Rated T for a minor swear reference.
1. Turn The Car Around

**A/N: Inspired by a conversation that I had with the little girl I babysit and her mom in the car the other day.**

**Notes: This takes place at some point after all the war drama, and the Grimms have settled down. I've made Daphne and Red around 13-ish, Sabrina and Puck around 17/18, and Basil around 3. Yes, I know that Basil's age doesn't really add up, but I needed to make Sabrina/Puck old enough to drive, and Basil young enough to not comprehend Christmas just yet. This takes place in mid-December.**

**Disclaimer: I shalln't ownith thou Sisters Grimm**

* * *

><p>"We're going to the maaaaaalllllll!"<p>

"Daphne, if you don't shut up right now, we're turning the car around and driving you all back home!"

"But we _need _to go to the mall!"

"We really don't."

"Relax! Both of you! Remember, there's a small child in the car!"

"Quiet, Puck!"

* * *

><p>"Ahhh-Choo!"<p>

"Bless you!"

"Ahh-Choo!"

"... Bless you again. Jeez, 'Brina. Did you catch a cold?"

"No, I always sneeze twice. I'm not really sure why."

"Yeah, my friend Amber does that. Sometimes I do it, but mostly I only sneeze once."

"But, sometimes..._ I_ sneeze."

"... Yes, Basil. Everyone sneezes sometimes."

"Ha, one time I snoze and-"

"_No_, Puck. I can already see this story is going to be gross. And what the heck is a 'snoze'?"

"... Sneeze in past tense?"

"No, I'm pretty sure that's sneezed... right?"

"I don't know. 'Sneezed' sounds kind of weird."

"You're right, Red. I'm not really sure which one is proper grammar..."

"Proper grammar can kiss my-"

"Puck! _We have children in the car. _Didn't you yell at me earlier for the same reason? Hypocrite!"

* * *

><p>"The mall is far away..."<p>

"Daphne, we've only been in the car for five minutes. We'll be there soon...ish."

* * *

><p>"Who knows how to say 'mall' in Spanish?"<p>

"... El Mall?"

"Daph, there hasn't been one sentence out of your mouth today that hasn't had the word 'Mall' in it."

"The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. There!"

"Wait... what fox? And what dog? What are you talking about?"

"See, Daph? You're confusing the children."

"I'm the same age as you."

"But you act much younger."

"Ohhh, burn!"

"Salted!"

"Burned!"

"Pretzeled!"

"... Okay, what the heck was that? And who wants to tell me how Basil knows what a 'burn' is?"

* * *

><p>"Can you turn on the radio?"<p>

"Only if you promise not to sing along."

"Hey! I know for a fact you love my singing voice, Grimm! As a matter of fact- hey, wait a second! If I'm the one driving, why am I asking _you _about it?"

"Because I'm the leaderly figure."

"Whatever. The radio is going on!"

* * *

><p><em>"Tonight, tonight! There's a party on a rooftop top of the world! Tonight, tonight, and we're dancing on the edge of the Hollywood sign!"<em>

"I thought I said no singing!"

"Correction: you told _Puck _not to sing. Not anyone else."

"Ugh. We've only been in the car for ten minutes, but you make it feel like ten thousand."

_"I don't know if I'll make it, but watch how good I'll fake it-"_

"Argh!"

* * *

><p>"Do they have bagels at the mall?"<p>

"How the heck should I know?"

"You knew when there were bagels in Ferryport!"

"I'm not the bagel keeper! And what's up with you and bagels anyway?"

"They're yumtastic!"

"... I see we're still making up words, then."

"Of course. That was actually last week's. This week's is 'Fantasticabulous'!"

"I thought that was the week before's!"

"No, Red, that one was 'Vomitrocous'. I remember because Daphne told me several times that week to 'Stop thinking every food Granny makes is so vomitrocous!'. It was horrible."

* * *

><p>"Hey, it's starting to rain!"<p>

"How the heck is it starting to rain? It's _December_! It's supposed to snow!"

"IDEA!"

"... What Puck?"

"Wait, whoa. How did you two say that at the exact same time?"

"Magical sisterly powers. Now tell us!"

"The barrier should hold off storms, too! Then we'd never have to invest in umbrellas again!"

"... Umbrellas aren't exactly an investment, Puck."

"Yeah. And besides, that would run Uncle Joe's Umbrella Emporium out of business!"

"... Uncle Joe's _what?_"

"Uncle Joe's Umbrella Emporium! It's a store in the mall."

"... Of _course_ it is."

* * *

><p>"Um, guys? Anyone know where we are?"<p>

"You tell us, Fairy Boy. You're the one driving."

"About that..."

"Oh, do _not _tell me you're lost, Puck!"

"Maybe..."

"I knew I should've driven!"

"I'm doing fine!"

"You ran the one stoplight in town. And you've gotten lost in _Ferryport Landing. _This town is about three miles big."

"Um, it's possible to get lost. Maybe we drove beyond Ferryport."

"Puck, half of the people in this car can't even bypass the barrier. We're still in Ferryport!"

* * *

><p>"Oh, look, a cow."<p>

_"Where the heck are we?"_

* * *

><p>"Good news! I packed a GPS!"<p>

"Fantastic, Daphne! Pass it up here!"

"Okay, I'll just type in the address... Does anyone know what the mall address is?"

"!"

"... Slower, Daphne. You're not on a game show."

"Four. Sixty. Six. Maple. Street. Ferryport. Landing. New. York."

"Not _that slow, _Daphne. But I got it anyways. Okay... here goes."

"What does it say to do first?"

"Nothing yet. It's calculating."

"So..."

"So."

"How's it going?"

"Really, Puck?"

* * *

><p><em>"Turn left in 4.7 miles. Then turn right."<em>

"... That didn't make any sense."

* * *

><p>"CIVILIZATION!"<p>

"Daphne, that's just a bird."

"A bird is civil!"

"... That's not what civilization means."

"Well, that is in my book!"

"Then your book is wrong!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa break it up! You two are fighting more than Sabrina and Puck!"

"..."

"..."

"See that man over there, Daphne?"

"Yeah...?"

"_That _is civilization!"

"Now, how is that civilization? A hobo is hardly civil!"

"How do you know that's a hobo? It could just be a man going out for a walk."

"With a grocery cart? I doubt it."

* * *

><p>"... And there's Green Street, and Amber Way, and there's the mall! Right there! Drive faster, Puck! We need to make up for the time we've missed!"<p>

"What time we've missed? The only reason we're here is so Basil can take a picture with Santa!"

"Well, that was the excuse..."

"Excuse? Don't tell me we drove for four and a half hours- even though the mall is only ten minutes away- just for you and Red to go shopping!"

"No, we wanted Basil to meet Santa, too. But of course, while we were at the mall, we figured we might as well do some Christmas shopping too!"

"..."

"..."

"Oh, and to get bagels!"

* * *

><p>"We're here!"<p>

"Finally! Get me out of this car!"

"Oh, good. Now, what did I do with that money... Red, do you have it?"

"Um, yeah, in my bag..."

"Can you guys have this conversation in the mall? I wanna get out of this car!"

"What's stopping you?"

"Puck needs to unlock the door!"

"Oh, sorry! Here."

"Thank. _Goodness!"_

"Well, _someone's _excited to be here..."

"I'm not excited to be here, just excited to be _out of that dang car!_"

* * *

><p>"Um, guys?"<p>

"Yes, Basil?"

"What's Santa Claus?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"This entire day has been pointless to me."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: In case you're wondering, the one about sneezing is the one that actually happened... Well, not all of it. Only up to them pondering the proper grammar of the past tense of sneeze. I wouldn't have sworn in the presence of the little girl (or her mother).  
><strong>

**Tell me what you think of this format (Just dialogue). Do you like it? I'm considering making another one of these, but I'm not sure. Tell me if you want another!**

**~S **


	2. Yes, We're Going Nowhere Fast!

**A/N: Back by popular demand! ... Kind of. **

**How's everyone's week going? Good? Fantastic. Mine's been... quick. It feels like the whole Summer just melted away...**

**This takes place in the same time period with the ages as the last one (most of this fic will be with those ages unless I state otherwise), and it takes place... Well, it doesn't really matter, sometime after the last one.**

**Last chapter I received a lot of comments saying it was hard to tell who's who with all the dialouge, so I've tried to make it easier this time around... And I'm giving you a cheat sheet. Here's who's speaking in each blurb, in order of appearance: **

**1- Daphne, Sabrina, and a little Red**

**2- Puck and Sabrina**

**3- Daphne and Sabrina, then Sabrina and Puck**

**4- Daphne and Sabrina**

**5- Red, Sabrina, and Daphne**

**6- Daphne, Sabrina, and a little Puck (He's keeps trying to answer the questions only to be cut off by 'Brina)**

**7- Daphne and Sabrina**

**8- Sabrina and Puck, then a little Basil**

**9- Basil, Sabrina, Puck, Daphne**

**10- Everybody, no one really has specific lines, except for Puck, who calls Relda "Old Lady"**

**I'm putting that ^ up again at the bottom, so don't worry if you forget some of them.**

**Disclaimer (I almost forgot this!): I don't own Sisters Grimm**

* * *

><p>"Ride, ride pony, ride, ride!"<p>

"What the heck was that?"

"... She can't hear you. She's listening to her iPod."

"Well, can you get her to hear me?"

"Ow! Red, what was that for? I'm _trying _to listen to my iPod!"

"Sabrina wants you."

"... What, 'Brina?"

"What was that song you were listening to?"

"What song?"

"You were singing about ponies?"

"Ah, yes, that one. It's by Lady Gaga!"

"And?"

"And what?"

"Well, why do you feel the need to belt out the lyrics in the car?"

"I don't know. I'm bored."

* * *

><p>"Where are we going again?"<p>

"I don't know. Granny just told me to get you all outta the house."

"So where are you driving?"

"I dunno. Wherever the wind takes us!"

"We're driving in a car. The 'wind' can't take us anywhere!"

"Shut up, Grimm."

* * *

><p>"I have an idea."<p>

"We're _not _going to the mall again, Daph!"

"Why not?"

"Because last time, we ended up getting stuck in the car for over three hours while Puck had an argument with the GPS!"

"Which brings me to the question of, Why is he driving _again_?"

"Because. I'm a fantastic driver."

"Puck. Do I need to repeat my sentence again? Last time you drove, we were _in the car for four hours because you got lost!_"

"Psh. That's never gonna happen again!"

"Oh, really? Tell us where we are right now, then."

"We're... we're in... Ferryport?"

"Oh, my gosh. Pull over! I'm driving!"

* * *

><p>"Ohmigosh, look! A puppy!"<p>

"Here we go again..."

"Wait, why are you just driving by? It's all alone! And afraid! Look at him! Just look!"

"Daphne, I'm sure the puppy can survive on it's own."

"B-but-"

"Ugh, fine! The things I do- Wait a second. Daphne, that puppy's on a leash."

"Wha- Oh. I see."

* * *

><p>"Sabrina?"<p>

"Yeah, Red?"

"Can you tell Daphne to stop overdramatically sighing? It's starting to get really annoying."

"Ha. You haven't lived with her for thirteen years. Daphne. Daphne! DAPHNE!"

"What?"

"Red- and the rest of this car- wants you to stop sighing.

"Yeah, you're ruining the relaxing atmosphere."

"Please. The 'relaxing atmosphere' was ruined the minute we stepped in this car."

* * *

><p>"Ohmigosh!"<p>

"What, Daphne?"

"I _just_ realized, when you two started dating, I never gave Puck the menacing sibling speech!"

"Daph, I don't really think that's-"

"Puck, what are your intentions with my sister?"

"Um, well, I-"

"Daphne..."

"You understand Sabrina is a important person, correct? She matters."

"I know that-"

"Daphne!"

"Do you think she matters?"

"Of course I do, I-"

"DAPHNE! First of all, that speech isn't really required anymore. We've been dating for seven months."

"Almost eight!"

"Shut up, Puck. Second, that speech is typically given by the _Father _of the girl. The sibling just threatens to beat the boyfriend up. ...And that's supposed to be the older sibling's job. You're younger than me."

"...Oh."

* * *

><p>"IT'S THE MAGIC DOOR, CHARLIE-"<p>

"Shhh! Basil fell asleep! And what the heck was _that?_"

"I'm quoting YouTube."

"... Fantastic."

* * *

><p>"How long have we been driving for now?"<p>

"I dunno. A hour, maybe?"

"Well, it's been an hour since you started driving. I drove for a solid forty-five minutes before you made me pull over!"

"I don't count that as driving. I count that as 'Puck's-Time-To-Get-Lost'."

"Hey!"

"Don't shout! Basil's still asleep."

"I'm not anymore!"

"Great job, Puck. What's up, Basil?"

* * *

><p>"Where are we?"<p>

"On the boarder of the town, Basil. This is as far as we can get without smashing Puck and Red."

"Why?"

"Because Everafters can't go beyond the barrier. Didn't you have this talk with Granny?"

"Yeah, but it was a loooooong time ago."

"It was last week, Basil."

"Didn't Puck leave once?"

"Yes, a long time ago. Before you were born."

"Why?"

"... He was... sick."

"I still regret that, Grimm."

"Regret what? Attempting to beat up a dragon? I do too!"

"No, I regret going to New York 'sick'. I missed some seriously sweet sightseeing!"

"Puck, that trip included a crazy man- scratch that, _several_ crazy men-, your awkward cocoon-thing following me around, and a phsyico fairy named after insects trying to kill me, _and all you care about is that you didn't go sightseeing? _I'll tell you, there was _plenty _of sightseeing going on, or do you not remember all of the stuff..."

"Daphne?"

"What, Basil?"

"Why is Sabrina getting mad at Puck?"

"That NYC trip has always been a sore spot for her. There were some, er, _issues _with her while we were there..."

* * *

><p>"Hey, we're back on our street again!"<p>

"Uh-huh. We've been out long enough, it's time to go back home."

"Why did we get kicked out of the house in the first place?"

"I don't know, the Old Lady had to do some 'housework' or something."

"Oh dear."

"What?"

"Well, she kicked all of us out of the house... While she did some 'housework'-"

"And we all know Granny never does housework!"

"... And now that we're walking up the front door, it seems too quiet..."

"I'm kind of afraid to go in."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Well, here goes..."

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAPHNE!"

"It's not my birthday..."

"And yet another installment of 'Sabrina's Useless Days'."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And that's that.**

**THE CHEAT SHEET AGAIN!**

**1- Daphne, Sabrina, and a little Red**

**2- Puck and Sabrina**

**3- Daphne and Sabrina, then Sabrina and Puck**

**4- Daphne and Sabrina**

**5- Red, Sabrina, and Daphne**

**6- Daphne, Sabrina, and a little Puck (He's keeps trying to answer the questions only to be cut off by 'Brina)**

**7- Daphne and Sabrina**

**8- Sabrina and Puck, then a little Basil**

**9- Basil, Sabrina, Puck, Daphne**

**10- Everybody, no one really has specific lines, except for Puck, who calls Relda "Old Lady"**

**I hope you enjoyed this, stay tuned for more!**

**~S**

**P.S.- If you read 'Moments', I'm closing the poll I have about it on my profile soon, so go vote now!**


	3. Well I'm Sorry I Can't Afford A Ferrari

**A/N: So I'm sitting on my bed watching Big Bang Theory on OnDemand, writing these. The reason I've resurrected this story is because not one, not two, but** four of my stories in the Sisters Grimm category were nominated for elligoat's 'The Best Sisters Grimm Story of 2011'!** I can't thank all of you enough, first of all. I'm just so touched that people nominated four of my stories for an award! Thanks for the nominees! Now, the four **stories that have been nominated are: _Retracing Steps_, _Moments_, _Traces, _**and this story! So of course I've decided write another chapter of this so you can all have something new to read while you check out this story and other nominees!**

**Annnyway.**

**Cheat Sheat, In Order of Appearance:**

**1- Puck, Sabrina, Red, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, TV, Red**

**2- Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Puck, Basil, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Basil, Sabrina, Daphne, Red**

**3- Sabrina, Puck, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Red, Radio, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Radio, Sabrina**

**4- Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina**

**5- Daphne, Puck, Daphne, Red, Daphne, Sabrina, Puck, Sabrina, Daphne, Red, Sabrina**

**6- Basil, Sabrina, Basil, Sabrina, Basil, Daphne**

**7- Daphne, Sabrina, Puck, Daphne, Puck, Daphne, Puck, Daphne, Sabrina**

**8- Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Basil, Puck, Daphne, Puck, Daphne, Sabrina**

**9- ****Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Red, Daphne, Puck, Daphne, Red, Sabrina, Red, Sabrina, Red**

**10- ****Sabrina, Red, Puck, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne**

* * *

><p>"I can't believe we finally got a new car!"<p>

"... We didn't, Puck. We're borrowing this one from Erine, since her family's so Eco-Friendly they BIKE everywhere."

"Then why do they have a gas-chugging minivan?"

"I don't know! Look, the point is-"

"OMIGOSH THERE'S A TV BACK HERE!"

"Yes, Daphne. There is a TV in your seat. Please don't turn it on-"

"IT'S THE BEEEEEST OF BOTH WORLDS!"

"This is gonna be a looong car ride."

* * *

><p>"Hey, I found the instruction manual!"<p>

"Did you now?"

"Yep! I'm gonna read all about this car!"

"As long as you don't play Hannah Montana again. That was just horrible."

"Puck, she had it on for two minutes before Red turned it off. It wasn't like you had to listen to the whole show."

"What's Hannah Monfanya?"

"Montana, Basil. It's a show about a spoiled brat who occasionally wears a wig."

"And other weird costumes!"

"And other weird costumes."

"Is it fun?"

"Um, sure."

"Hey, guys! It says here you can push a button that pulls out a table! I wonder where it is..."

"Oh dear..."

* * *

><p>"Can we turn on the radio?"<p>

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because _last _time we turned on the radio, you all started singing like you were in _Glee._ And believe me, none of you are in _Glee._"

"Oh. I see how it is... Ruining my dreams of being a singer with your words like knives."

"Daphne... _What?_"

"Okay, I'm turning on the radio now."

"I just said-"

_"When I walk in the spot this is what I see- Everybody stops and stares at me. I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it- show it- show it. I'm-"_

"Hey! Why'd you turn it off?"

"Because Basil. Is. Three. He doesn't need to be exposed to that kind of creepiness."

"What if I change the station?"

"I guess..."

_"Wobble-d Wobble-d Wo-wobble wobble I'm stack-stacking my papers my wallet look like a Bible. I got girlies half naked, this shi-"_

"WHATEVER THAT WAS, IT WAS EVEN WORSE."

* * *

><p>"Um, so."<p>

"So what?"

"What are we doing again?"

"Driving...?"

"I mean, like, where?"

"Oh. Hey, good point. I have no idea. Hm, we can go for ice cream, I guess..."

"It's January."

"Oh."

* * *

><p>"Since the music stopped, maybe I should just sing to myself."<p>

"Oh no..."

"Hm... What should I sing? Any requests?"

"Oh, I know! What about that song that's like, 'Ohhhhhhh sometimes I getta good feeling!'"

"Ohhhhhhhh sometimes I getta good feeling... Yeah... I get a feeling that I never never never knew never had before, no no!"

"Ew, I don't like that song. It's creepy."

"It could be worse. They could be singing Red Solo Cup."

"What the heck is-"

"Red solo cup! I fill you up! Let's have a party!"

"Let's have a party!"

"Ugh."

* * *

><p>"Hey guys. Hey guys. Hey guys. Hey guys. Hey-"<p>

"WHAT BASIL?"

"What is 'school'?"

"A place you go to learn things... Like math and English."

"But I know English. Why would I need to learn it?"

"That's the argument of every seventh grader in America."

* * *

><p>"Have you ever seen that show <em>Taboo<em>?"

"Do I want to?"

"Oh my gosh, I have! Did you see the one with the business man-"

"Who was also a hobo? _Yes!"_

"It was on last night! Oh man, that was weird."

"Is the the one you're talking about also the one with the people who dress up as a animal?"

"Yes! And not just one animal, there was that one guy who was also half-plant..."

"Stop! You guys are scarring Basil."

* * *

><p>"So. How 'bout them ice cream?"<p>

"I thought you didn't want any."

"NO!"

"... I said 'We could go for ice cream' and you said no because it's January."

"Um, I never said we _couldn't_ go. I just stated the fact that it was January."

"..."

"..."

"I like pasta flavored ice cream!"

"Basil, you are growing up on some weird food."

"Hey! Granny's Pasta-Cream is good!"

"I never said it wasn't good. It's just weird."

"How do you know the food you consider 'normal' isn't the _true _weird. Perhaps Granny's 'odd' food is really the 'normal' food and the 'normal' food is really the 'odd' food. What do you think of _that_?"

"I _think _you just used far too many apostrophes in that sentence."

* * *

><p>"Hey, let's go to <em>Dan's <em>for ice cream!"

"Isn't _Dan's _a clothing store?"

"No!"

"Yes, it is. You were telling me how much you wanted to go there yesterday."

"Shut _up _Red! My plan was almost working!"

"I thought you guys already went to _Dan's_. Isn't that where Red got her pants?"

"Oh, geeze-"

"What, these things? These are my car pants!"

"Car pants?"

"Well, I knew we were going in a car that wasn't our own, so I put on my car pants. They're pants that I don't care about getting dirty."

"You thought this car was dirty?'

"Well, you never know where this car has been..."

* * *

><p>"Oh, here. Let's just go stop here for ice cream."<p>

"Oh I love this place!"

"Isn't this a sub shop?"

"Yeah, but they have ice cream if you ask."

"Is it good ice cream?"

"What's-"

"Are the ingredients carefully measured out into a silver bowl with gold lining?"

"How-"

"Do the people _smile_ as they make the ice cream? Do they enjoy the process, so I know I'm not eating manual labor?"

"Why would I-"

"Is the ice cream carefully churned, stopped right before melting but still cold enough to be considered ice cream? Are there cows raised happily on a farm that is known for-"

"DAPHNE! It's _Friendly's_ brand."

"Oh, okay."

* * *

><p><strong>AN2: I've gotten through 3 Big Bang Theories while watching this.**

**Cheat Sheet Again!**

**In Order of Appearance:**

**1- Puck, Sabrina, Red, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, TV, Red**

**2- Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Puck, Basil, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Basil, Sabrina, Daphne, Red**

**3- Sabrina, Puck, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Red, Radio, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Radio, Sabrina**

**4- Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina**

**5- Daphne, Puck, Daphne, Red, Daphne, Sabrina, Puck, Sabrina, Daphne, Red, Sabrina**

**6- Basil, Sabrina, Basil, Sabrina, Basil, Daphne**

**7- Daphne, Sabrina, Puck, Daphne, Puck, Daphne, Puck, Daphne, Sabrina**

**8- Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Basil, Puck, Daphne, Puck, Daphne, Sabrina**

**9- ****Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Red, Daphne, Puck, Daphne, Red, Sabrina, Red, Sabrina, Red**

**10- ****Sabrina, Red, Puck, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne, Sabrina, Daphne**

**Well my Daddy's making fried chicken as my Mommy cooks bread, so I guess I'm gonna go eat food now.**

**Goodbye,**

**~S**


End file.
